Good Start To The Day

   Finally felt good enough to walk today! As ususal, i only went about 32 minutes; it's all my ankles can take. i came home and stretched like a good girl, and did a bit of weight training. After almost 2 weeks of no exercise, i feel right in my skin again. Between pulling my back muscles, and the sinus infection, i have been hurting for exercise time. i was glad i didn't wake up Syr to walk; it was exrtremely humid even at five to six in the morning. i simply paced myself, drank water, and willed my body to not need to rush to a bathroom. i find at a certain weight, if i cannot use the bathroom before i walk, i am in a rush to get home. But i did fine, and made it home with no accidents, yay!
   We made an executive decision yesterday. We had an alarm system put in, that also controls the appliances and temperature in the house. Syr was very impressed with the guys who came and gave their speel. And i found them easy going and freindly to talk to. They're even coming by with one of their company shirts for me today! (i teased the one rep that i was gonna steal his shirt. What can i say? They're gorgeously orange, and orange is one my absolute favorite colors!)
    So we have an easy set up. i was even able not to bungle it as i turned off the stay alarm so i could go walk. When it's easy enough that even i can't screw it up, it's a win-win for this pet. And quite honestly, i slept deeply last night, a first since we moved back to the city. i was diagnosed with a paranoia disorder several years ago, but the majority of my sypmtoms had disappeared when i got sober. But the fear that someone could brake in left me with a lot of sleepless nights the past year and a half, and i spent many nights sitting in the dark living room swearing i heard someone trying to brake in. Last night brought blessed relief, and i feel even more of my sanity back in my hands!
   When i wake up Syr today, it will be me trying my best to be paitent, waiting for Her to mark my backside. i voiced to Her that i have been really wanting (read: needing) a whipping. Even as i talked about it with Her last night, i got extremely wet. Sadly, She refused to touch me, only grinning and taking my word for it. But with a satisfied sigh, She agreed She would take care of my itch for me. 
   i am so grateful my submissiveness has come gliding back into my heart, this time in full force. i am so thankful i am in need of Her strikes against my backside, the hair pulling, and the nipple torture. i am hungry for the pain, i am hungry for Her demands to fill me past my tipping point. i am so grateful i can connect with Syr in the way again. It has always been a gift that both of Us share with one another, and i am so blessed i can give up myself to Her and Her only.
   i am such a lucky, lucky pet, i feel like i can't stop squirming in my seat. Only another hour and a half before i wake Her up....(groan!) i can do it! i'm a good little pet!

Might Be A New Chapter

   Today Syr has an interview. We were excited since the interviewer called less than a day and a half after Syr put in the application. i already have Her shirt and pants pressed, and Her tie ready. Magic time comes in a few hours! 
   
   i have done some real damage to my Achilles tendon. Syr thinks i have Achilles tendinitis. If i do, it sucks. It is hard to put any weight on my ankle, and now my other foot is sore from favoring it so much for the last few days. How did i do it? As usual, i overdid it, with too much walking too far, and too long a pace. i kinda figured when i went from a 17 minute mile to a 21 minute mile in three days nothing but bad was up. So now, i am on forced rest, and i cannot stand it. i hate, absolutely hate having to forcibly relax. 

   i am doing remarkably well with my abstinence, though. As an addict, it is always a massive relief when we can give everything we have been unsuccessfully trying to control to our God. And when we do, life opens up a whole new door; a freer, simpler, more peaceful life. 

   i have had a lot of emotional garbage and vulnerability come up in the last 48 hours due to being around my family two days in a row. But the awesome thing was, food was the farthest from my mind to dull my self with. i knew it was finally time to face these hurts and pain. Wifey let me figure out how to say it the way i needed to say it. As an actively sober addict for 10 years, i hold what She has to say with great respect. She informed me that the first year is always the hardest. And in turn, so are the emotional highs and lows. One feels everything more acutely, more vividly, because we are now working without the very things that helped us numb out. We are working on a whole new plane of thinking, since God is who we rely on for all instances. And i have to say, in the last three weeks, i have never cried more, or come to so many truths and realizations i couldn't have found without surrendering. Life is a new bunch of lessons and experiences everyday. i go to be exhausted, but sleep like a baby. 

   This next few weeks is all about eating right and being aware. Since i can't really walk or bike, Syr has said She would weight train with me, and we could do "other aerobic activity." Wink wink!! i still can do my floor exercises, work with my stability ball, so at least i am doing something. i now think, "minute by minute" instead of where will my weight be in a week? What size will i be in three months?

   As for my submissiveness, i have been in regular service to my Wife most everyday. i keep the house clean, i keep up on all the laundry, i clean the bathroom, and i make sure She always has a good, warm meal. At one point in my youth, i would have rather died than be like this-my mom was a housewife, by force, and was always resentful and passive aggressive. But She and my father never had a functioning, healthy relationship. My Wife and i are best friends, and unlike my poor mom who didn't see her future as a wife and mother coming, i have seen it, and i actively chose it, because i like how cozy it is. i have a loving Wife who would be just as supportive if i wanted to work, or go to school full time. She always stresses this is my journey, and She wants me to find my inner happiness. With those kind of loving, safe parameters, who wouldn't want to serve their soul mate? Who wouldn't want to make their Wife or Husband happy? 

   i am hoping, as my tendons heal, and i get some of my stamina back, Syr and i can get back into play again. There have been the lulls in the bedroom too, but it is just the stress of finances backing us up against walls. But no matter what, we will always get through it with God and each other. Life is awesome!