Sometimes, I go a bit overboard....Part 2

   So now that i finally have the exciting Pride news out, onto how bad i was yesterday. When Syr and the three of us got back to our house, i was aching and tired. For the first few hours, i was on pretty good behavior. i kept filling drinks with ice, and i was doting on Syr quite a bit. 
   My cousin decided we should pork steaks, so as he ran out for them, my friend and Syr and i sat around talking. When my cousin came back from the store, i rushed out to Syr's side and asked if there was anything i could do besides make the scalloped potatoes. "Nothing else," was the reply. The pork steaks were done rather quickly, and we sat down to a yummy feast. 
   After dinner, the four of us sat there for a few hours, just enjoying the cool, the quiet, and just relaxing some more. It was at this point, i really began to slack off. i knew Syr's glass was empty often, i chose to sit on my butt, and play with Facebook. i saw Her getting Her own drinks and ice, and i chose to play dumb about it. By 9 my cousin suggested we eat some ice cream he had bought. Syr looked at me, as if to say, "well go on! get it!" As She went into the bathroom. i jokingly said to my cousin, "tell Her She is the ice cream bitch and to get our ice cream!" My cousin laughed and said that was all on me.
   So when Syr came out, i looked at Her and in my smart-ass tone i replied, "tonight, YOU are the ice cream BITCH!" Go on, and get it! Chop, chop, Maryanne!" Our friend and my cousin burst into laughter. My Syr, gave me the look that says, "Ohhh, you are so going to get a reprimand for this. Prepare!" Even though i laughed too, i felt a little nervous. Syr kindly got us all ice cream, and we stayed up a bit longer.
   Later when Syr and i were talking in bed, Syr told me i needed to be punished. And what do i think would be the most effective punishment? my head reeled. i knew what i had to answer truthfully. i told Her the paddle always makes me learn, since i hate it with a black passion. She smirked, and said "for now you hate it, but i know there will come a time, you love it!" i asked Her if i could ask a question, and She granted it. i apologized really, and told Her since it hadn't seemed like We had been on BDSM protocol for days, i thought it would be all right to tease and demand of Her like that. She acknowledged it, but informed me that i had expressed desire to move forward to another level with our play life. That means, even if we have "off" days, She is still in charge, and i am to obey, no matter what. That was indeed comforting, but as always with my Syr, there is always more. She informed me also that She was going to lift my ban on touching myself this weekend. But now i still am forbidden. And all this week She is going to torture me with bites, and nibbles, and kisses, and caresses to drive me insane. And still no touching. So by Saturday, when She finally allows me release, it can only be the way She tells i can release, and in a certain time constraint. i gulped, but promised Her this time around i would obey Her command not to touch myself. In the past years, i got angry, and ignored that rule, and on top of it, defiantly told her. But it only hurt me. If my Syr says "no touching" i will not touch. i think i am going to be doing a lot of working out. Such a bad little pet, part of me wishes it was going to be 4 or 5 wacks with the paddle. But Syr knows me too well to know i would only learn from that for so long.... 

Through The Long Night WIth You

   Well, i made it through the long night. Shortly after writing my late-night blog, i was sitting here catching up on my other blog reading, when Syr came out wondering what i was doing. i replied and She asked me to come back to bed, since She cannot sleep without me there. She asked why i was still up, and i told Her respectfully i had sexual tension driving me through the roof. She laughed and gave a sarcastic "awww, too bad!" comment. And that was all right. i begged Her to do something to me before bed, so She twisted a nipple. i am not sure why i begged for that, since it only incited a larger riot within me. But i must have been ready to sleep and not known it, and shortly there after, i was gone.


   We'll be getting ready for church soon; we belong to a church that is all inclusive. And by saying that i mean my pastor does not exclude anyone. Of any faith, any sexual orientation, and way of thinking. We haven't been able to get to church for a few weeks, so i am glad we can go. Friends are picking us up so Syr doesn't have to drive on pain meds. But what i am most excited about, is later on today.

   Syr said that possibly She would be in the mood for a dirty, rollicking good time. i try not to be too excited, as She is only 48 hours out of surgery. But anything She can give me is so worth it, and i am so in need. i know. Hungry, selfish little submissive. But i think it's my job to be in constant need. Most submissives are regularly in need for attention, praise, love, sex, and an overwhelming urge to prove to their Dominant/Master/Mistresses that they are indispensable, useful, and that by God, we love You so very much, and cannot LIVE without You!

   Well, it is after church, and my Syr is out like a light. We both got a little snarky during church, but i made a peace offering, and it was well received with Syr. She is in pain, and i need to be mindful of that; especially when She is short and bitchy. Syr has never been one to mindlessly complain. But the discomfort oozes out other ways. i am trying so hard to keep my attitude in check, and realize She needs to vent, and i shouldn't be taking offense. i feel like i haven't done a good enough job in the last few days, but every time i begin again, it is all good. i hope my dear Wife has a better day relaxing and just catching up on rest. i love Her so very much, and i just want Her to feel better soon.

   i plan on finishing up the laundry, getting the dishes done, and looking around for anything else out of place. Syr may be out of commission, but i am not. Yesterday She thanked me for all i do, and keeping the house perfect. i know She was under the influence of medication, and a bit needy, but my heart swelled with pride and honor that She felt comfortable in Her own home. So with that in mind, i need to get going, and push my energy into my house.

Can't Sleep, and There's A Long Night Ahead

   It's 11:25PM. And i cannot sleep. Just the little Syr has done to me (and strangely, not done) in the last few days, has me beyond able to think straight, and physically obsessed with relieving the sexual pressure cooker between my legs. i am very happy to report, though, i haven't even touched myself. Well, that is sort of a lie. i began reading "The Marketplace" series again, and i am up to Book 2, the journey of Robin into her slave life. Such a powerful difference reading it now that i have such a strenuous desire to serve. The only reason i touched myself was to check and see if i was as wet and slick as i thought i was. i was. Which means a few things: 1- When one can connect with a slave's journey, even a fictious one, one actually feels it to their core, 2-i feel joy knowing i am ready to begin this journey in earnest because i haven't even tried to sneak in a quick rub out, and 3-my Syr has already had a massive impact on how i view my life, and Her rights over me. i actually feel more content in the facts i have no rights over my body, only what She allows me. That is immense maturity and growth for me, for to touch myself without Her explicit permission, would feel like i am cheating and lying to Her, and that this whole journey of finding my little slave self was just a facade for what? To look hardcore? To impress people with my off-center priorities? No, even though i am aching, my stomach hurting so bad i need relief, i know when i wake up in the morning, i will feel strong, proud of myself, and most importantly, i will have kept my word and belief in my Dominant to do with me as She wants. And i hope in turn i make Her proud, and happy to see me obey. 
   i realized tonight, as i watched her sleep, i so wanted to be Owned by Her in any fashion She sees fit. The desire grows, more and more with every waking moment. i have quickly gone from hoping i can make it successfully through a three month contract, to coming to a place of total peace, and willingly being able to surrender myself to my Wife as Her slave, Her pet, Her sex toy, Her whipping post, Her other half of Her heart. i have never been more devoted to a human being in all my life, and every talk, every gesture of love between us makes me yearn for another step. i hope this year brings about great changes in me; mentally, physically, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually. 

   i won't lie; my Wife had come from a background where She had experienced just about anything and everything one could imagine. i often felt cheated because we would have no real firsts together. i could understand her wanting to stress that it was all new because She was experiencing them with me, but i still felt square as a pool table and twice as green. Oh, don't forget angry and insecure. But i felt so happy and blessed that We are in a full time Dominant/submissive relationship, a place She had never been before with anyone. Also the fact We may come to an eventual Owner/slave contract, makes me jump with pure joy that She has never been there, either. When God gives me a boost, She gives me a boost!

   i still don't feel any tireder, but i do feel a little less full of rantings and ramblings and manic mushy devotion. i think what is really keeping me up, is hope, happiness, excitement, and absolute bliss.