Transitions

   There is a lot of transition going on not only in both Syr's and my life, but the lives of those around us that we love as well. Not sure exactly what is going on, but you can feel change lingering in the air, ready to snap like a broken branch or dead leaves on the ground.
   My grandfather is suddenly very sick; not only has he been diagnosed with infections in his weak, unsteady legs, but he is also suffering with one kidney shutting down due to the infections. My grandfather and Syr own very big parts of my heart. They were the first to love me unconditionally, and the the first to let me just be me, not trying to compromise who I am for their sakes. So for my papa to be struggling suddenly, i have a sickly, worried heart about it. 
   The stress is further compounded by the fact i cannot get out there to see him because we really don't have gas money. In fact, we will barely have enough for all the appointments we have coming up. He lives just far enough away (12 miles) it puts a crimp in the gas tank. All i can do is pray-a lot.
   Syr and i still haven't done a lot of play, nor have i really been too into my servitude. Like i said, there are many stressors that have unfortunately left me in not a good place. But Syr as always is all right with that. And for that i am grateful. 
   For now, we are just taking it day by day, minute by minute. i only hope it all gets better soon. The stress is killing me slowly.

Holding Pattern....

   The little bit of a play life We have begun to build again is once again on hold. Until Syr is feeling more energized and alert, We are back to Her laying down in a dark room trying to catch Her breath, and me worrying. As sad as this all makes me, it makes me sadder my Wife and my Syr are struggling for some semblance of life, and meanwhile, We are just in a holding pattern, circling until it's safe to land. i really wish i knew what has happened in the last 6 months that She has taken such awful, scary turns for the worst. i hope there is light at the end of the tunnel. i miss having fun and having a life with my Soul Mate. i am really tired of the constant stress. i hope we find the insulin starts to do the trick. Meanwhile, i really want some chocolate, and i don't even eat sugary foods anymore. The old standby of addiction calls, and i need to pray.