Something Better Is Coming

   Today still feels full of stress, but Syr has an appointment at the Diabetic center, to learn how to use Her insulin pens, and how to start dealing with the diabetes head on. Even though i am still gravely concerned, help is in sight. As we speak, She is laying on the couch, really unable to gather energy to get up and get going. We both agreed that most of Her lack of energy is really due to Her blood sugar being out of wack, and the severity of Her COPD. Doesn't make me feel any better, but once again, within the next few weeks, She will see a pulmonary specialist, and all will be handled.
   Meanwhile, We have been trying to walk everyday. i usually walk twice; once with Syr, and once at a little faster pace, by myself. Yesterday Syr and i walked the wooded path near one of Our local beaches. And it was so beautiful! The way sun played through the leaves, and the quietness of the path in the woods. We caught the end of a deer, and saw a bunch of squirrels and robins. Syr was able to go much further than i anticipated. i was impressed with Her perseverance! We got a 45 minute walk in, and happily later on Syrs's blood sugar was only 154! If that is an indicator of what exercise does for a diabetic, i am taking Her out, (dragging Her out) every day!

What The...?

   i'm not sure how, if it's forgetting to take my amoxicillan four times a day the last couple of days, but i feel stuffy, and i am coughing again. And man, am i angry with myself. Have an unexpected $20 coming our way. my brother asked Us to make some mixed CD's for a friend, so i am going to. Hopefully my CD holder in my laptop is not to screwed up, and i will be able to slide the CD's in and out. Not have to resort to Syr struggling for 15 minutes to get the fuckers out. Sigh. i really wish i wasn't so hard on my electronics. i can't even tell you how many times i have dropped my cell phone. i am a klutz. 
   i need to try to get Syr into Our medical doctor's office today instead of tomorrow. When We saw Her urologist, the dr. said Her glucose levels were so high, her organs could shut down. That scared me out of my mind. i was terrified. i didn't realize that was where Syr's health is headed. She did not sleep well last night, i know She was ruminating on what Dr. Baker said. But in another 6 minutes, i will call our MD, and see about getting Her in today, so Our doctor can start Her on insulin. Dr. Baker said that insulin will dramatically change up the horrible problems Syr has been having for the better.
   The secretary was able to get Syr in at 2:30 today, but with the PA. But if the situation calls for it, Our doctor can always be called into the room. i am just glad Syr can be looked over, and possibly started on life-saving, organ-saving insulin to keep Her healthy and well for a long time. i won't be breathing easy until i see Her sugar levels way below 200. They have been over 300 for 7 months, not good at all.
   Went into the back yard to pick raspberries. But since it has been such a dry summer, the raspberries aren't looking too hot. i barely got half a tub full. i felt quite emancipated; i went out in my sports bra, and shorts. In NY, (thanks to my aunt being one of the original Top Free 7,) i could technically go out topless. But instead, i waltz around in my sports bra. i know i am not skinny, hot material to most. But i also know i am not disgusting looking, and besides, Syr really digs it when i go out in a bra. And mostly, knowing it is making Her all hot and bothered, everyone else can take a flying leap off a cliff! i have even been walking around in a sports bra in front of my beloved cousin. And if he can handle it no problem, i am gonna do it. Besides, he lays around his house is boxer briefs, so i think it all takes care of it itself, don't you?
   As soon as my email is finished loading the attachments, i am going to go start breakfast for Syr: Raspberry pancakes, yum! i am just dragging on wanting to cook, i can never stand it! But i know i should probably take on more, if i am going to be more service minded. But oh God, i hate cooking. More on that later. Sigh, time to make the pancakes!

Good Start To The Day

   Finally felt good enough to walk today! As ususal, i only went about 32 minutes; it's all my ankles can take. i came home and stretched like a good girl, and did a bit of weight training. After almost 2 weeks of no exercise, i feel right in my skin again. Between pulling my back muscles, and the sinus infection, i have been hurting for exercise time. i was glad i didn't wake up Syr to walk; it was exrtremely humid even at five to six in the morning. i simply paced myself, drank water, and willed my body to not need to rush to a bathroom. i find at a certain weight, if i cannot use the bathroom before i walk, i am in a rush to get home. But i did fine, and made it home with no accidents, yay!
   We made an executive decision yesterday. We had an alarm system put in, that also controls the appliances and temperature in the house. Syr was very impressed with the guys who came and gave their speel. And i found them easy going and freindly to talk to. They're even coming by with one of their company shirts for me today! (i teased the one rep that i was gonna steal his shirt. What can i say? They're gorgeously orange, and orange is one my absolute favorite colors!)
    So we have an easy set up. i was even able not to bungle it as i turned off the stay alarm so i could go walk. When it's easy enough that even i can't screw it up, it's a win-win for this pet. And quite honestly, i slept deeply last night, a first since we moved back to the city. i was diagnosed with a paranoia disorder several years ago, but the majority of my sypmtoms had disappeared when i got sober. But the fear that someone could brake in left me with a lot of sleepless nights the past year and a half, and i spent many nights sitting in the dark living room swearing i heard someone trying to brake in. Last night brought blessed relief, and i feel even more of my sanity back in my hands!
   When i wake up Syr today, it will be me trying my best to be paitent, waiting for Her to mark my backside. i voiced to Her that i have been really wanting (read: needing) a whipping. Even as i talked about it with Her last night, i got extremely wet. Sadly, She refused to touch me, only grinning and taking my word for it. But with a satisfied sigh, She agreed She would take care of my itch for me. 
   i am so grateful my submissiveness has come gliding back into my heart, this time in full force. i am so thankful i am in need of Her strikes against my backside, the hair pulling, and the nipple torture. i am hungry for the pain, i am hungry for Her demands to fill me past my tipping point. i am so grateful i can connect with Syr in the way again. It has always been a gift that both of Us share with one another, and i am so blessed i can give up myself to Her and Her only.
   i am such a lucky, lucky pet, i feel like i can't stop squirming in my seat. Only another hour and a half before i wake Her up....(groan!) i can do it! i'm a good little pet!

An assignment.

    Syr has given me a task. And for me, it seems almost insurmountable. She wants me to write a book. A slave/submissive language protocol book. i am to contact other Masters, submissive, and slaves, and get insight as to how they interchange with one another. It stems from a desire to find a more respectful direct way to communicate with my own Master. 
   Even though i am nervous to venture out into the community and on-line to find others to talk to, i know it will be a step taken with trust in Syr that i can handle myself, and be successful. And the more i gather, the more i learn about others, and what i can challenge myself to achieve.
   Syr and i had a very intense evening. And intense for Us, has been a long time coming. It started early in the morning, before church. Right before we got ready to leave, Syr nonchalantly asked if i cared to be belted. i myself did not ask, because if Syr thinks i am not physically ready for physical play, She will use full force to teach me a lesson to listen to myself better. But i jumped at the chance, because i felt completely ready for Her touch. 
   She leaned me over the bed, and asked me if i was ready. As soon as i nodded yes, the first strike hit my ass cheek. I squealed. The second was twice as sharp and stingy. i squirmed. The third sent me over the edge. Whenever i feel like i have to pee, i know i have come. As i voiced that to Syr, She laughed. i felt like We had come full circle, and were home again. 
   Later, after Our guests had left from our weekly Sunday dinner, Syr had me lean over the dining room table, with my pants off. The belting this time was even more intense, and had me jumping around the room in pain. Syr was quite humored, and stated beltings would be out here in the future, since Her swing could be a fuller arc, filled with more delicious force.
   Throughout the day, Syr also tormented my nipples incessantly. By the time the dinner was in full swing, my chest ached. But every chance i got, i craved Her touch, i craved the pain. By 9pm, my nipples were at constant attention, and raw. But still i kept my position of hands behind my head, chest arched, and tried not to fall over as She tortured me. How does one describe the raw beauty of severe pain, mingling with absolute ecstasy? In the moment She twisted my nipples, my eyes locked with Hers, i was sure i would float away in bliss as my pussy melted with excitement. i never imagined Her love would be even more intense, six years later. 
   Syr offered to get me off, so i could fall asleep easily. i took Her up on the offer, since i knew i couldn't touch myself at this time. It took a while for me to get off; especially since i get so overstimulated so easily these days. But with a bit of effort, and especially dirty thinking, i succumbed to her touch, and let loose. It was a well-earned orgasm! 
   Syr tried to get me to come again, but i screamed and begged Her no. It took everything in me to get the first one out, there was no WAY i could go for another. And as She gently pulled Her fingers out of me, i felt guilty for not letting Her push me further. If anyone knows my body, it's Her, right? But the guilt slipped away, as sleepiness took over. And sleep was close on my heels.
   This morning i readied Syr's tea, and patiently (read: impatiently!) waited for Her to get up. She asked for another 9 minutes, but couldn't sleep. She smiled mischievously at me and said it was because She was picturing the belting across my ass, and my squeals. Eagerly i took my position on the bed, ass up, torso flat on the bed, waiting for her to come back from the bathroom. 
   Without warning, She laid 5 harsh hand spanks to my ass cheeks. Telling me to get off the bed, and meet Her in the living room, i cheerfully jumped off the bed, and ran out to the table.
   Syr only got three strikes in, before i felt i couldn't take more. i lovingly kissed Her belt, and hugged Her tightly. Later on i told Her i wanted more, like a cropping or a whipping. And was it because i could handle more with brakes? Or was it just my mind?
   Syr said She knows i could definitely handle a lot more with small brakes. But for now, We are going slow, because i am still getting over my cold, and She wants me to heal. All i know is i am anxious for Her marks and bruises again. i am so ready. 

Get Up and Go, Got Up and Went

   Well, today is our weekly dinner, and i have no drive to clean. i'm feeling better, but otherwise, would rather just sit in old comfy clothes, and not shower. But instead, i have to get my energy up to clean Our filthy kitchen, (which is the state it has been in for a week. i cannot believe Syr let me let it go!) the bathroom, shave, shower, lotion my self up, and wear something nice. i'm pretty sure Syr has let the house go like She has since neither one of Us has felt healthy enough to tackle it. But while She is at church, my job is to clean, not slack. But oh man, i wanna slack. 
   i am considering asking some new friends if they would like to read my blog. Although i am not sure about one or two of them. i know there are a few who would find it fascinating, but knowing that they wish to covet me away from Syr with half serious, half joking proposals, i am not sure they are the ones i want reading this. 
   There are a couple others i know would find it fascinating, but they badly want to be a part of Syr's and mine's world. And even though that is humbling and sweet, Syr and i are strictly monogamous. That means not only do we love only each other, it means i only serve my Syr, and She only plays with me. 
   These friends in particular mean a lot to me; i value their opinions, and i value their gentle hearts. i think i need to talk to Syr and see what She thinks. i am always dying for feedback. 
   Yesterday i ate my words-again. i insisted all day that i could provide Syr with a luscious, slow blow job to blow Her mind. i insisted i could fool around and have sex. Syr, from first thing in the morning, said "No! you're sick, you can't play or have sex!" Oh, but my little heart didn't want to hear that. 
   After pushing and teasing, and pestering Her all day, after dinner She finally said "Ok, now you can give me that blow job. Let's head to bed." Excitedly, i jumped on the bed, and settled between her legs. With my head bowed, that's when it began: sniff. sniff, sniff, sniffff. i looked up at Her with a frustrated scowl. And my Syr began to laugh. "What's wrong, little bear?" She asked. i dropped my head against Her stomach, and groaned my protest. i so wanted to be right!
   So instead we ended up talking a bit, and i read Syr a H.P. Lovecraft story aloud, since She was having trouble reading and concentrating on Her own book. And in the end, when i finally fell asleep, i knew it was a good thing i hadn't fooled around. As much as i didn't care for the facts, i knew it would have set me back again further. Sigh. i wish this damn cold were gone. i wanna get on with life, and better yet, life in a spotless house! Grrr!

Back In The Saddle

   i'm feeling better today, although Syr still refuses to have sex with me on account there may be some lingering sinus nastiness yet to rear its head. i am still a bit dizzy on my feet, but otherwise feeling much better. i am not really having to cough or blow my nose much; i think the amoxicillan is finally taking affect. Since We are back to restrictions on when i can and can't touch myself, i am seriously starting to get frustrated. Oh well for me!
   Tomorrow for our weekly Sunday dinner Syr is cooking a ham and a full chicken, rotisserie style. Our friend found the parts that go to the grill he gave us, so now we test it out tomorrow! That, with sweet corn on the cob and watermelon, should be a lovely dinner! i only hope it is not too hot so my Syr doesn't get sick in the heat.
   The house is still nice and cool with the air conditioner in the living room, so cleaning is no longer a hassle. But knowing Syr like i do, i don't believe She is going to let me do much still. 
   i am certainly learning to be a woman of leisure!

Bed Day

   Due to too much over exertion yesterday, i felt really rundown by the time Syr and i went to bed last night. She was disappointed that i did not listen to my sick self, and ask Her for help cleaning around the house. She said i put my servitude before Us a couple, and that wasn't right. i in turn tried to plead my case, that i really felt fine as i cleaned, being in a little servitude sub space. It wasn't until the end of the day i realized how run down i was. So Syr decided today is a bed day: i am not to leave bed unless going to the bathroom. So last night, i happily piled all my books, journals, word puzzles, and laptop next or on my night stand, and i am perched in bed.
   Syr said She will be making my favorite tuna fish and onion for lunch, and for dinner, homemade chicken noodle soup. She is so good to me, my little heart jumps for joy. 
   Last night We decided We would try more surrender of my control to Syr. i told Her it felt like a good time to test all waters. But i informed Her, that if this is going to last and feel right, i trust Her in going really slow with me. Like with my sobriety, We need to take this one moment, one instance at a time. And i am happy as a clam about it. i have never felt more ready to step into the pool of servitude, and taking Our time seems the right way to go. 
   i now ask her daily which scented lotions or sprays i should use when around the house, or going out. i also ask permission to go to the bathroom, and for eating. i am generally asking permission for everything, and so far it seems good.
   Syr wants me to start researching and working on a book of slave/submissive dialogue. There doesn't seem to be many books on the subject, and i want to find a way to speak with reverence and respect to Syr, even in Wife/wife mode. i like finding my submissive soul; it further calms my frustrations, and temper, and i can fall into the moment, like i can devotion to God, and surrendering negativity. 
   Even though i am already antsy and squirming in bed, i know it is for my own good, and Syr has my best interests at heart. i am a lucky wife, and an even luckier submissive!