It's been too long

   It seems i only seem to keep up with this blog when i feel myself slipping back into my comfy, submissive spot. And when i step away, i am always devastated. i began picking up a little more servitude in the last couple of days, and now i am helping Wifey get her morning off to a good start, by making breakfast, helping her dress, and making sure meds are ready, glasses are clean, and picking up any other loose ends that might pop up.
   
   This time, though i haven't mentioned this is what i want to do. i just am doing it. I find often when i mention or discuss what i need/plan to do, i always fall short. i guess i am trying to do more, and not talk so much. Talk is cheap, actions speak louder than words. 
   
   The summer has brought with it many sad events as well as happy ones: great parties with friends, lots of luxurious alone time with Wifey, time to read many great books, a lot of solitary, quiet walks early in the morning. But on the flip side, there has still been lack of money, stressing bills, a possible jaw realignment in my future, and three very close friends moving away, which i either cannot accept, or haven't dealt with yet, i'm not sure. But then again, with sad change always comes new possibilities. A new group of friends to get to possibly get to know through school, and a possible new church to check out, since our old church turned on people we loved, and in turn, rejected the rest of us. 
   
   Still, i am only hoping the next few weeks before school turn slowly, so i have more time to enjoy life; the ups and downs, the happy and sad. Because i have realized, life is too short not to experience everything.
   
   i am not ready to call Wifey "Syr" yet; i always get self conscious about it anyway. Maybe if She herself brings it up, well, then i will talk about it. But it is so hard to use a title; as much as i like that place it puts me in, it is so hard to be there. i wish i knew if other submissives had as hard a time as i did. i know some do, but others are so private.
  
    Wifey and i also got in a little whipping last night. By "little" i mean about 9 lashes-nothing hard by any means. It felt nice, and i would like to do more tonight. i only wish the last stingy one wasn't the one that made me squeal "um, i'm good!" And as always, i still get on myself for instantaneous shaking and need to quit quickly. But, we haven't played in ahwile, what do i expect?
  
   i am looking forward to this morning, a close friend, Meg is coming over to hang out. She leads a "life" but is on the other end of the spectrum. i plan to pick her brain today about being a Dominatrix, and how her mind works. i always have people i want to hurt, but i would never. Play? Actually doing it, not for me, thanks. Especially with Wifey. Wifey has offered repeatedly to help me learn how to use our "implements of destruction" but that's not my thing-especially practicing on my Wife. i guess i know where i fall on the BDSM spectrum!

   So, i am off to finish more laundry, and get the house ready. i hope it's another day i can learn to be gentle with myself.