Been So Long, And i Feel So Lost....

   It's been awhile since i have written any of my thoughts down. But i will keep you (and myself) up on what has been (or not been,) going on.

  i have had a hard time focusing, remembering and asking for what i should need so i can get used to them: (spankings, whippings, paddlings, beltings,)  i have absolutely not been on the ball with keeping the house up, or sitting at Syr's feet, or being generally more compliant. 

  i am so off, i am ready to beat myself.

  i know it's because i am not working on my head innards. i haven't been journaling, staying positive, getting to my therapist, or stayed focused on my future goals, even showing gratitude for anything Syr has tried to do. i am struggling to stay focused on my God, and i am failing there as well. i need to do a lot of head work.

   i already knew it, just had to put it to the Internet universe...