Power and Passion

   i had a bit of a problem adhering to routine, and getting things in order for play yesterday. i blame the hot book i am still reading, and i also blame myself for not realizing i have to now learn how to be hyper vigilant. i lately am in such a high state of arousal, everything else seems to have fallen by the wayside. 

   my first line of mistakes began with no attention to Syr's drinks throughout the day. She didn't say anything until She woke up from Her nap, and i still hadn't filled Her drink. Then, as She caught up on Her emails, i neglected to hear Her shaking Her empty glass, waiting for me to jump. i didn't. i was completely absorbed in the book. (eek!) It only got better from there. By "better" i mean it couldn't have gotten worse. 

   Syr told me what my punishment was to be, and somehow i only heard "paddling and belting- as much as i can handle." i wish i could argue and say it might have been my CAPD at work, which would mean i was so high strung that only certain things filtered through. But i didn't think of that in my panic, and i certainly wasn't going to try to use it if i did. Perfect (or almost) perfect adherence is possible, i just have to create a system to make it work. In turn, only the paddle and the belt were carefully laid out. When Syr saw them, She was amused by yet more mistakes. Oh dear God, i'm screwed, i thought at this point.

   Once i gathered the restraints, and placed them neatly on the bed, Syr went for additional punishment tools-and they were in a sad state of dustiness. In fact, as Syr struck the air, the dust strings actually floated and exploded in front of my face of both the small and long crop. Syr dryly reminded me that even if toys are not used, they are to be ready at all times. The look on Her face told me i was in for a world of hurt, and She looked happy to show me just how much.  At this point, i really started laughing, because i really wanted to cry. But i was so charged, i was as ready for my punishments as i could be.

  Since Syr has been pleased with my absorption in the book, and my quick adjustment to a constantly aroused state, She decided to punish me based loosely on scenes from the book- on my ass and elsewhere.

   With hands behind my back where they belonged, She cropped my tits and stomach repeatedly, and it was hard not to allow my body to react naturally by turning away from Her. My nipples were twisted and yanked in a most viscous manner but i was already groaning with excitement as the tears struggled not to leave my eyes. 

   Syr then shoved my head face down on the bed, as She now enjoys doing. While i tried not to whimper, She paddled my ass so hard i screamed like i never had in my life. The tears were now flowing, there was nothing i could do about it. i struggled to stand up and face Her while She asked me if i was prepared for my belting as well. i so badly wanted to shake my head "no," but giving up quickly is the past i am leaving behind. i gave Her the smallest of nods, and She shoved me down again. With only one crack of the belt i screamed and the tears exploded. i begged Her, "please Syr please no more," i then stood up to look Her in the eye, albeit shaking and unsteady, i wanted to convey to Syr i was fully prepared to move on. 

   When She was satisfied with Her evaluation of me, She commanded me to crawl up on the bed. i did so, and with tears struggling to stop, She bound me in the cuffs, and tied to me to the bed. She went over to the play drawer, and took out a slim vibrator we have, and have not used much. She turned it up high, and leaned in front of my pussy, and with the darkest of smiles, turned it up against my cunt. She stated She would be back in a bit, and not to move, or i would be punished. i squealed in terror. i found though, the vibrator wasn't doing the job, and i called Her in twice. i finally tried to "fix" things myself, and move my thighs a little. To my horror, the vibrator slipped off my vag completely. Oh no. i had to call Syr in to adjust it again. It just wasn't hitting anything. When Syr saw the slip, Her tone became malicious. She reprimanded me, and gave me four harsh croppings across my thighs. i squealed like a little girl, going feral and crazy all at the same time. Welts appeared instantly; i was sobbing again. "Maybe that'll teach you not to move." She said.


   i was so strung out, that as Syr placed Herself between my legs, i didn't know what to expect. She held the vibrator on different parts of my vagina, and it gave me a charge, but as She hit more sensitive areas, She told me "not to cum." It was hard at moments, but i thought of my grandparents, anything not to explode. When She finally gave me permission, it wasn't anything i wished it was, and didn't admit that to Her until after. i was tired and not fully spent, yet She didn't lay with me like She usually does; She left me to think about what had and hadn't transpired throughout the day. When She came back, i told Her what i knew i needed to do, and what i would start doing to change all my mistakes.

   After my Syr gave me time to cool down, i finally asked Her if She would hold me- even though i knew i wasn't wanting it anymore. She gave me the option of cumming in three minutes-if i thought i could do it. Otherwise, another 5 days of torture with no cumming. i groaned, not fully confident in my own abilities to make my mind focus on its task at hand. 


   Even though it was a trying day, i am grateful my Syr is keeping me focused, and helping to train my mind and body to better respond. i know what to work on, especially my communication. i woke up today in a happier, clearer state of mind, and i am going at today as though it is a total clean slate. i even remembered to pick raspberries from the back yard, an d chill them in the fridge. it feels good to be back on track...