Can't Sleep, and There's A Long Night Ahead

   It's 11:25PM. And i cannot sleep. Just the little Syr has done to me (and strangely, not done) in the last few days, has me beyond able to think straight, and physically obsessed with relieving the sexual pressure cooker between my legs. i am very happy to report, though, i haven't even touched myself. Well, that is sort of a lie. i began reading "The Marketplace" series again, and i am up to Book 2, the journey of Robin into her slave life. Such a powerful difference reading it now that i have such a strenuous desire to serve. The only reason i touched myself was to check and see if i was as wet and slick as i thought i was. i was. Which means a few things: 1- When one can connect with a slave's journey, even a fictious one, one actually feels it to their core, 2-i feel joy knowing i am ready to begin this journey in earnest because i haven't even tried to sneak in a quick rub out, and 3-my Syr has already had a massive impact on how i view my life, and Her rights over me. i actually feel more content in the facts i have no rights over my body, only what She allows me. That is immense maturity and growth for me, for to touch myself without Her explicit permission, would feel like i am cheating and lying to Her, and that this whole journey of finding my little slave self was just a facade for what? To look hardcore? To impress people with my off-center priorities? No, even though i am aching, my stomach hurting so bad i need relief, i know when i wake up in the morning, i will feel strong, proud of myself, and most importantly, i will have kept my word and belief in my Dominant to do with me as She wants. And i hope in turn i make Her proud, and happy to see me obey. 
   i realized tonight, as i watched her sleep, i so wanted to be Owned by Her in any fashion She sees fit. The desire grows, more and more with every waking moment. i have quickly gone from hoping i can make it successfully through a three month contract, to coming to a place of total peace, and willingly being able to surrender myself to my Wife as Her slave, Her pet, Her sex toy, Her whipping post, Her other half of Her heart. i have never been more devoted to a human being in all my life, and every talk, every gesture of love between us makes me yearn for another step. i hope this year brings about great changes in me; mentally, physically, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually. 

   i won't lie; my Wife had come from a background where She had experienced just about anything and everything one could imagine. i often felt cheated because we would have no real firsts together. i could understand her wanting to stress that it was all new because She was experiencing them with me, but i still felt square as a pool table and twice as green. Oh, don't forget angry and insecure. But i felt so happy and blessed that We are in a full time Dominant/submissive relationship, a place She had never been before with anyone. Also the fact We may come to an eventual Owner/slave contract, makes me jump with pure joy that She has never been there, either. When God gives me a boost, She gives me a boost!

   i still don't feel any tireder, but i do feel a little less full of rantings and ramblings and manic mushy devotion. i think what is really keeping me up, is hope, happiness, excitement, and absolute bliss.